I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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