Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Randomize
