Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
