you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
