you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
