I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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