LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
