I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
