I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
