we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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