Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
