Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
