how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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