Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize