your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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