Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
