yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
