bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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