You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
