What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
