I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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