bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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