My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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