Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
i've created a new STD.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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