Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
