Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
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