God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
