So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i think i just lost a toe
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
