Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
