he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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