Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
