somebody snuck up and got me drunk
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
