She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
