i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
