when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
