her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize