im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Randomize