mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
