My liver just broke up with me...
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
