You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize