I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
