ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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