she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
