just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Two words: blizzard sex
I FOUND THE LEGS
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize