i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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