she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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