Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
