The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
