i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
They took my balls.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
