i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
