I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
