There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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