Do you still have your period?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
