dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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