the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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