we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize