he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Ladies don't puke and tell
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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