Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
