she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
