I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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