Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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