i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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