can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
