ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
