He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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