her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
