btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
