nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
