I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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