hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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